“I grew up on a farm in the panhandle of Texas. One

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“I grew up on a farm in the panhandle of Texas. One

“I grew up on a farm in the panhandle of Texas. One

“I grew up on a farm in the panhandle of Texas. One day I was driving my father’s tractor, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I’d flunked out of law school. I couldn’t play football or tennis. The only thing I’d ever been good at was performing. In high school, I’d played the lead role in both the junior and senior plays. So I saved up enough money during the harvest season to buy a little red Yamaha motorcycle. Then I drove to Dallas so I could go into show business! I did some plays in Dallas, then I got a touring role in Fiddler on The Roof, then I rode my motorcycle to Hollywood to be a movie star! I got my first big role two months after I arrived. They paid me $500 a week for six weeks. I thought, “Man! This is Hollywood!’ My character was a cowboy outlaw in a motorcycle gang. He ended up getting killed by a pitchfork while trying to rescue the leader’s girlfriend from a hippie commune. You know how I got the part? I walked into the audition and told them I’d do the whole part cross-eyed. Just like this. You know how hard it is to ride a motorcycle cross-eyed? Almost impossible. But I did it! Unfortunately it ended up being the worst reviewed movie ever made.”

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